I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
