I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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