I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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