I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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