I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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