Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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