I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
