I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
