First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
