It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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