The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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