Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
