benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
