so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
