I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize