It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize