We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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