So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
