Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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