U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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