Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
