Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
