I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
