goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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