Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
