I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
