Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
