Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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