Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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