You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
