Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
