you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
