Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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