Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
