Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
stop calling my apartment porn island.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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