Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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