i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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