I like to think it a success when the cops are called
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
