your parents love me but you hate me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
