you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
