Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Randomize
