dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
