i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
