Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize