That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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