I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
