I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
