I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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