I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
