im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
