I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
