Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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