So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
