youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
