He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
