i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
