I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
