How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
