hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
