Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
