The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
