I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
