So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize