I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Please don't give away my fajitas
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
