so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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