Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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