Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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