I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
