He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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