Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
