I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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