Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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