I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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