Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
