I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
