He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
