This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
