So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
