I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
