I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
