I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
false alarm, still single
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
